Mayhem

This week has been absolute mayhem and I'm just recovering on Saturday. Its kind of ironic that I wrote a blog earlier about trusting God and yada yada. Well God wanted to put that statement to the test this past week. Starting the week out was me trying to register for my LAST class I will EVER need to FINALLY graduate in 2008. So yeah, a little bit of pressure on getting into the class. To add onto the fact that I enrolled into school as a Non Degree seeking student which basically means that I am just taking one class at the university to then transfer back to U of A. So, needless to say, the University of South Florida does not prioritize someone who's only taking one class and then transferring it. As a Non Degree seeking student you are not allowed to register for classes until the day of classes. So I went to the class I was trying to get into (before that I tried desperately to meet with the professor- to no avail) clean & polished- front row and smiling. But then I notice that the class starts filling up...people are sitting on the floor even, its so full. During the break when I was going to see if the professor could add me to the class 5 OTHER people were trying to do the same thing. With Degree Seeking priority. Reminder- I HAVE to get into the class as the U of A pre-approved this class to transfer back as my LAST credit! So I absolutely had to get into the class. For those of you that remember the past two summers and the failures I encountered at studying abroad in China (delayed passports and earthquakes). So I really already had a defeatist attitude. So after talking to a very indescernable and confused professor (he was an adjunct faculty from China- English...not so good) who really didn't know what to do I just decided to try fate and try to register through updating the computer every 5 seconds or so. That's when David and I found out I had some random hold on my account from the Student Health Services who needed a shot record form. Wasn't told earlier by any document that they needed it but didn't seem like a problem, just had to call U of A to send the fax. After some drama with sending the fax, no printer ink and a sketchy scanner we got it there....only to find out they needed ANOTHER form (why didn't that @$#%&&* lady tell me before???) So I scramble to get this other form to David to then fax...oh yeah, no printer ink...go to Staples...fumble around with the confusing printer/scanner and finally get it to David. Call the lady...didn't get the fax. Call David, oh wrong fax number...great...resend. And then not a minute after the Health Services cleared my hold--BOOOM--I am enrolled in the class. First try. Amazing. This is all sandwiched in between a nasty cold sore that grows with every stressful phone call as well as a dissapointing job interview I had been waiting 3 weeks for. Lovely. So God's faithful....but man, it sure wasn't an easy day.

Divertido con los locos

Thoughts

So right now in my life I am processing things a bit more. With my job being part time, and with it being in the evening, I have plenty of time to myself. For the past 6 months or so I have had plenty of time to read, clean, dream, organize, journal and just...think. And though at times I complain about being lonely or bored during the day, I am realizing that this time has been almost necessary for my sanity. I realize that God hasn't been punishing me, but more or less forcing me to face my fear of being by myself. Granted, being lonely down here has been a frequent feeling of mine- leaving all friends and family for a new place isn't easy. Finding friends hasn't been a huge struggle but getting past that point of shallow friendship has. I'm a person who thrives on truely fellowshipping with another person. Getting to know someone deeply...and being known by another. At the same time I find that David and I are becoming greater friends. Yes, we've been friends for awhile now but not deeply friends. But in the absence of girlfriends David and I have grown that friendship. I've heard somewhere that love is "friendship on fire," and I can truely relate to this. He's funny...I mean really funny in the sense that its weird, quirky and original. He's a great listener and problem solver. These are roles I think I usually went to my mom or Heidi for, but now I turn to David. I relish our time together in the evenings, laughing at each other. And I think being away from friends and family has cemented this in our hearts. This time together is to be always cherished. But again, beyond David's friendship I don't have the true friends I once had. But God has shown me the beauty in stillness, in contentment with yourself- beyond what your doing or who your with. He has provided a friendship as well, through his Word, Christian literature, through the beauty here in Florida. At this time in life I am going through many trasitions- possibly a new job, starting a class in the Fall, starting a ministry at the church and I just want to chronicle God's faithfulness. His enduring frienship for those who ask for it!

I love my family

This past week David and I took a trip back to good ole Arkansas. We had so much fun. The whole time was like a party, from playing cards, smoking hookah, boating, BBQing, and canoeing- It was all a blast. Most of all it was great to spend quality time catching up with family. Both David and I's family lives in NWA so we got to see ALL of them! :) Delightful! I think my most cherished time was spent with my Summie Bear. His new faces, smiles, noises fascinated me! He's grown up so much...snif snif. He seemed determined to crawl while I was there. I was so impressed! My family showed us a warm welcome, with great memories. But now, I miss them. :( Hopefully they'll come visit us in Florida soon hmmmm....

Life in Paradise!

Habitat for Humanity event

David planned a Habitat event for his coworkers and invited me and some people from our Lifegroup to join! So we got there at 7:30 in the morning on Saturday, a little tired and grumbly. But soon we all got into the swing of things. Our main job was to landscape a new house. So we began laying sodd and filling in multch. Brooke and I took over multching because of the fire ants that were in the sodd kept biting our arms. The guys nicely took over :) It was one of the most rewarding experiences I had in awhile!

The Cussing Jar

I need help to stop cussing! Any suggestions?? I'm not cussing like a sailor or anything but I do let words slip. I read online today that its a learned behavior. (Obviously I don't have tourettes...or do I?) So that can be modified. A suggestion was made that I put a dollar everytime I cuss into a jar and then donate all the money in the jar to charity. I thought that sounded like a good plan...

Awesome verse!

Proverbs 16:9 - In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

Valerie's party!

This was Valerie's (a member of my Lifegroup)24th birthday party! I was able to meet some amazing girls who invited me to join their "Finer Things" club. A group of ladies who get together once a month to enjoy the finer things in life :)I was officially inducted by candelight...seriously. Also, I found some pictures of my bachelorette party I haven't posted, I miss my old friends!!

Cancelled trip to China

Its almost 12:00 and I can't sleep. I feel like I'm on the brink of something life altering. I feel so confused right now with God. And yet He doesn't seem far. Its not one of those, 'God where are you' moments where he seem silent. I've been praying and searching these past few days on what to do with my trip to China. Ever since I heard the news of the chatastropic earthquake that has killed now 18,000 in Sichuan province in China my heart has been heavy. This week as been a blur. The heaviness hasn't subsided. I asked God, since you don't give writings in the sky, just give me a changed heart, a simple desire to go. I mean, I desire to go to Outback some nights for their wings, or Sonic for a slushie, why can't I conjur up the same hunger for a trip that I have been planning my life around for 8 months??
I feel confused because I heard God's voice and it wasn't what I necessarily thought I'd hear. Its the second summer in a row where a trip to China has been stopped. Many people say "oh a door has been closed but God always opens a window." And I don't feel that way, I don't feel hopeless, that a door has been slammed in my face. I know there is a purpose beyond myself and my situation.
When talking to the study abroad office at U of A on whether I should go or not, a staff member there attempted to consol me that the situation wasn't as bad because "in China there is a greater density of people, so when even something small happens, it effects more people". My program provider said they just suffered a 'broken tile' in a city where it was reported that 1000 people have died. Although I know it probably wasn't their intention to sound cold, I felt disturbed by their treatment of this situation. This is nothing short of a chatastrophy, something that cannot be ignored. I can honestly say I could not intensely study Chinese while the city around me is suffering.
In writing this I am attempting to move forward, to get it all out and then leave any doubts behind. I can say I really feel confident in my decision, though it definately was hard to do. Money has been lost. My degree....well, delayed to say the least. But amidst all this confusion I cannot deny a feeling of hopefulness. Knowing that God is faitful, that I can say "no" with as much conviction as saying "yes". I even read in James today, "Let your yes be yes, let your no be no." God said no, not right now Katy. And that's all that I can understand at this point.

We can post videos now...hopefully!

Life Group!

This is our Life Group, a community group we attend at our new church Gulf Gate. Its lead by Valerie and Jason Gipe, a cool married couple. We are going to have a couple join us next week but this is our group so far!

tara's visit!

sweet tara came down to give david and i some good old fashioned cheer! we went to universal studios and ate at the largest hard rock cafe. we celebrated "extreme easter" here together at our church Gulf Gate, went to the beach, played frisbee and had a lot of fun! it was so good to see a familiar face. i didn't realize how much i missed having a true heart to heart with another woman, a friend who knows me so well. it was so sad seeing her go :( its funny though because now i see how couples can get into their little routines together. david and i have one already. and we go to bed so much sooner! haha never thought i'd be going to bed at 10:30 every night! but its great. we want more people to visit. its so fun showing off beautiful sarasota. on a different note david and i attended our first community group on sunday. it was really fun. there is one married couple who leads the group and then three other single people. they all seemed really cool and laid back. its nice to find some christian people our age here! and life is moving so quickly! i only have about a month until i go China! i leave on the 15th of May! i feel like i've only been here in florida for a month but its already been three. too strange...

Thoughts...

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, So that your youth is enewed like the eagle. The LORD performs righteous deeds And judgments for all who are oppressed."
Psalm 103:1-6
These are the words that are in my heart, yet only King David can put it in the right words. I feel so sheepish...so doubtful. I always am brought back to this point. A point where my soul sings aloud of His praises...right after my series of doubts, complaints, crying, feeling sorry about myself. And here I am, on the other side of the bridge looking back. I wish I were like Job who priased the Lord throughout his trials (ok, I think he complained a little). I just feel like I always fall short. I praise the Lord now because it all makes sense- the job, China, school, marriage. His process makes sense now. And yet I cannot deny that singing my priases has come a little too late. Now, I am a guilt ridden person by nature, always beating myself up. But I just want to come to a point where I get it. Where I actually remember the Word when it counts, when things suck and life seems a little bleak. I guess that just takes time, perhaps maturity. I feel so blessed. What does it take to live the life I know He wants me to lead? I was reading in I think John the other day and read about when Jesus named Simon- Peter. Meaning "the rock". And I feel like I can identify with Peter, he's impulsive, impatient, passionate yet folds easily under pressure. Its like Jesus named him something that meant exactly opposite of his personality. But its not that Jesus named him for who he was- but for who he would be. He saw through it. I hope the same is for myself, that Christ is constantly molding me, like Peter, to be the woman he created me to be.

as of today...

I'm totally annoyed that I can't find a decent job! How is it that I am so unappealing to employers? Its like I nearly have a college degree but because I am lacking 3 credits its as if I never went to school. Really makes school seem more pointless than ever. And my skill sets...which are well, working with youth, languages, serving at restaurants and limited computer skills...so lets see where that puts Katy. How 'bout nowhere! Unless I work at a foriegn restaurant serving children....haha. Ok, its not that bad. I am not just writing to complain, really I'm just annoyed because I tried to upload some new pictures twice and for some reason its not posting them. Today I just interview at Horizon's Christian Academy for a teacher's assistant job. It looked like it would be really fun. I get to work with 9 kids under the age of 5. Basically, I get to play all day at the different learning stations. And since I'm still a kid at heart I find this exciting...playing with playdough? drawing? puzzles? and reading books all day? sounds like a formula for F-U-N! haha
But for those of you who I do not talk to daily about my life I am really enjoying Florida. I am still taking it all in, the fact that I have palm trees in my front yard, the overwhelming amount of old people, and oh- the white sand beaches only 10 minutes away. And I never saw myself as a beach person but its really growing on me and YES I'm still scared of sharks but slowly getting over that fear. I am loving David more everyday. To see his daily discipline at work I mean the man is crazy! He works now from 7:15 am to 6:30 pm and usually doesn't get home at 7! And he loves it. He's always blabbering on in excitment about all the projects he's working on. And I find myself jealous that he's found his niche (sp?) where I still feel uncertain about my career future. Its mostly jealousy mixed with admiration. He worked hard to be here. I mean, married women, when do you get to a point where you don't feel competitive with your husbands? I am competitive by nature. "Release Katy, Release!" my mom would say. Therefore, I will. I will release it all to God. This time is definately trying my patience and growing my trust in the Lord. Trust always.

"correct" cake sharing and drinking champagne

Chaotic garter toss

Throwing the bouquet!!!

Cutting the cake!

bachelorette party: Toast!