When it rains it pours

I'm sorry if all of my recent blog posts are depressing...ok maybe not all of them are but I have to be honest about this time in my life. I am exhausted emotionally. Its been a whirlwind of a month. So much has happened and I feel like I can't even keep up. I feel that if I can get out an ounce of what I'm feeling, even into the void, then thats one less ounce weighing on my heart. You know when your chest feels heavy? Like you feel you could cry for a week straight and it would keep coming? That's how I feel, weary, angry, confused and blaaaaaah. First, last week at work the family that I had to call DCF on informed me that my services would no longer be needed because their child had died. My heart stopped when I heard her voicemail. A mother and child that I had met with since I first started working with Healthy Families. A child we struggled so hard to keep him healthy, to inform the family of various safety risks in the home. I had seen him weekly since his birth. As far as we know the child died of SIDS, unexplained at this point. He was a sweet child with a beautiful smile. And I can't get that smile out of my head. I struggled with comforting the mother, telling her she did all she could. Trying to find words that I didn't have. Today I am attending the child's funeral with the family and my heart feels like it weighs a ton. Also, my former coworkers I had known since I've lived in Florida, a married couple with a 2 year old are now going through a custody battle and divorce. My friend informed me that her husband had been abusing her for the past year and she has just mustered the courage to leave. But the law is not on her side, even though she's the victim. She was accused of leaving with the child abruptly, which can be grounds for temporary custody for the father. Even though the reason she left abruptly was because she feared for her and her child's safety!You don't leave a burning building slowly!! My heart aches for her and her child. I could see the weariness in her eyes from all the hearings and court appearances she's had to endure. He's relentless in breaking her down mentally, sending her nasty emails and discouraging her every step. I couldn't believe the guy sitting in front of me in the court room, an intelligent, seemingly caring friend of mine, abused his wife secretly. I felt disgusted. I was called as a witness to testify about his drug use, which I had seen both at work and at their home. The lawyers attempted to chastise my story, to try to find any loopholes. But I told the truth, nothing less and nothing more. So my story was concise, no matter how condesending the lawyers were. They were malicious in their pursuit to discount my testimony for my abused friend. I cannot understand why any lawyer would prosecute an abused wife. Times like that I know why God says- "Vengence is mine," because he is the only one who can serve an accurate punishment for people like that. My husband's grandfather is also not doing well. His health is failing quickly. We want David to go visit his namesake but don't have the money to fly him back. I can see David is trying to put on a happy face for me, but he's struggling himself. We both are just trying to survive this week. I feel the statement is true though, that "when we are weak, He is strong." To me that means we just give it all up to Him. We give our thoughts, actions, everything to God to guide. Like letting a friend carry you on their back when you can't take another step. I keep wondering if I can do this job or not. If I have the guts, or backbone or whatever it takes for this profession. I'm struggling just to keep from crying at work. But I take God's guidance each day. And at this point I'm totally ok with releasing control.