I choose contentment

I think I've finally reached a point in my life where I am content. Or at least I've decided I will choose to be content. Now this doesn't necessarily mean my life is where I want it to be or is perfect. My job is endlessly frustrating some days. I know each of us searches for a degree of contentment, our "God shaped hole" in each of us. I picture contentment as the feeling you get after a big sigh. Your body breathing out the frustrations, worries, tragedy, personal failures and saying to yourself- I'm ok. There might always be a better job out there, a better opportunity but I choose to be content in my circumstances. 
Now I am not confusing contentment with apathy I hope. I've been there before. A short period of feeling nothing after a hurtful breakup. I had never felt that before- simply not caring. It scared me more than my rebellious behavior. Apathy is a product of not following God's direction for you in life I think. Knowing he made you uniquely gifted and not choosing to use the gift, or using it for selfish gains. 
Oh here's a big one- being content with my body. Ok, I'm going to put it out there, I am at least 20 pounds overweight. Since my two years of marriage I've managed to go up two pant sizes. Its discouraging. But inevitable I guess after knowing what I eat. And I can't blame it on my husband, despite the fact he sometimes refuses to eat the meals I've made from Cooking Light recipe book. I can only choose to go to the gym & eat healthier (easier said than done right). I choose to be content, despite not being necessarily happy. 
 I think Paul says it best in Phillipians 4

 ¹⁰I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. ¹¹I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do everything through him who gives me strength. 

He's found the "secret of being content in any and every situation". Sounds like a New York bestseller self help book title! When I read that it amazes me- its attainable. He's found it, maybe I can. And I truly believe in my heart that it is a choice. Its not ignorance, its not idealism, its a growing relationship with Christ. He gives us strength- emotionally, mentally, physically. He is our source, didn't Christ say he was the water and bread? Life sustaining. 

I don't know if you feel it too but this year I am excited. Excited about Christ like never before. I feel like I've awakened from a sleep, my vision clear, I desire the heart of God. Do I sound crazy? Maybe...but I want what Paul had, what David had, what Abraham had, what Elijah had. A life sustained by God. A life fully focused and committed. And what's truly crazy about this year is that I don't know what will happen, where we'll be, what I'll be doing. Its completely blank when I visualize how this year will be. But I do know that my eyes are seeking His face, and that's all I need to know.