Thoughts...

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, So that your youth is enewed like the eagle. The LORD performs righteous deeds And judgments for all who are oppressed."
Psalm 103:1-6
These are the words that are in my heart, yet only King David can put it in the right words. I feel so sheepish...so doubtful. I always am brought back to this point. A point where my soul sings aloud of His praises...right after my series of doubts, complaints, crying, feeling sorry about myself. And here I am, on the other side of the bridge looking back. I wish I were like Job who priased the Lord throughout his trials (ok, I think he complained a little). I just feel like I always fall short. I praise the Lord now because it all makes sense- the job, China, school, marriage. His process makes sense now. And yet I cannot deny that singing my priases has come a little too late. Now, I am a guilt ridden person by nature, always beating myself up. But I just want to come to a point where I get it. Where I actually remember the Word when it counts, when things suck and life seems a little bleak. I guess that just takes time, perhaps maturity. I feel so blessed. What does it take to live the life I know He wants me to lead? I was reading in I think John the other day and read about when Jesus named Simon- Peter. Meaning "the rock". And I feel like I can identify with Peter, he's impulsive, impatient, passionate yet folds easily under pressure. Its like Jesus named him something that meant exactly opposite of his personality. But its not that Jesus named him for who he was- but for who he would be. He saw through it. I hope the same is for myself, that Christ is constantly molding me, like Peter, to be the woman he created me to be.